February 18, 1920, From Richard [Includes Esther's Reply]

In Close ViewFalling Snow, Flakes
2-18-20

Dear Esther,

Just to show you that I can appreciate a response from an uncertain, distrustful girl who shows such a good unselfish attitude towards her friends. How can I find language powerful to express my thoughts to you and yet be perfectly safe and non-committal. From what you say, or what you do not say, I suppose that I'm not taken very seriously in anything I say. I don't exactly mean to bring about such disconcerting problems of relationships when no doubt but that everything would come out according to its predestiny anyway. Esther I do not believe either you or I are deeply enough entwined to overcome all obstacles in our "pathway". So you would prefer speech to written words! In that case perhaps I had better check my pen and also leave the words unspoken; words that might be meaningless and useless or unwisely spoken. For you know I have my failings and weaknesses. I have no desire to make anyone's life harder or more miserable, and would it be possible also to unconsciously refrain from causing joy. What is that that says, "one must live one life ere he learns to live". Speaking more lightly but nevertheless with significance do you recall that, "A man should not marry his first love. It is not wise; he has to be "seasoned" for matrimony. Like eating nine olives, loving nine women cultivates your taste and teaches you to appreciate one of them". But finally every man tires of being an eagle with his so called comfortable freedom.

Speaking of school, I will be busier in the future than in the past if I expect to make my course of any value. Purdue disapproves of C's and any person famed for having three or is advised to leave the university. Only about one hundred seventy-five had the "pleasure" at the end of the 1st semester. It's the "survival of the fittest". Another interesting statistic is that of about $40,000 spent last semester for all the dances and social functions of the students. "A college town for me". Hoping that all is well of IU.

Very sincerely,
Richard


[This rough draft of Esther's reply was enclosed in the envelope with Richard's letter. ]

I wish I knew just how many of the remarks you make have a touch of sarcasm. Then I would know whether to feel complimented or angry at some of the things you have said from time to time.

Do you believe that all things are predestined? It is quite a comforting belief because if things go wrong you can think that they will turn out all right. Then if a person is to blame for things going wrong they can believe that they were supposed to turn out that way any way. That is what could be thought. But this I know. Several times in my life things have happened that worried me. They may not have been such really very big things but all the time they loomed up so big I could neither see or think of anything else. However they always turned out much better than I expected and they say all's well that ends well. So if I am to judge from past experience I ought to keep optimistic even on the darkest days.

I went to S.S. this morning. I have missed for three Sundays. It's about time I started being good again don't you think? On the way back I met some sorority girls each of whom wore a bunch of sweet peas. They (the sweet peas) surely looked pretty for they were the biggest, frilliest blossoms. They reminded me of summer. I wish that we could row sweet peas pretty as those. I wonder what will be going on next summer, how many of the class will be home and whether we will have the good times we have had in past summers. Luella and I were talking it over some time ago and decided that the summer didn't have such a very bright out look. Perhaps I have been thinking so much about next summer because nothing has been going on here to occupy my mind. Something must happen soon or I fear my mind will become entirely dormant.